I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
