Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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