Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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