I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
