Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
