There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
