The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
