I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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