Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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