well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
