some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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