I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
