After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
home. puking in laundry basket.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
