If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His hands were made for my vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
