i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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