Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We left the knife in your bed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
