The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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