She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
