Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
