eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize