is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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