omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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