belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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