i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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