You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
