At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found your dick twin last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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