btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
