you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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