Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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