smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
