you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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