His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
