Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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