His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
