I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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