and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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