I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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