i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
