I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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