I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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