dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
