Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
