Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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