Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
