Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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