Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
