i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
