my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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