first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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