So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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