So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
