I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
