i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
