I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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