gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
