JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
