last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
