i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
