Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
