I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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