Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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